Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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