If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have aggressive nipples.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
