Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
