All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
