Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
