Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
