I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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