I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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