Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
