oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
