dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
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