I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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