guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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