Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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