The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
