every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
NoShamevember. You game?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
