Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my shit smells like andre
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
