So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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