Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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