I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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