Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
