the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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