its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i think my cat just said my name.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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