considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just took my morning after pill in the library
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
