how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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