in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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