Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
