I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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