Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
