Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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