Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Betty ford says i'm here all night
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
