You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
