I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
