i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
