It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
