Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
