I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
