Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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