Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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