Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
