I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Panties = found
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
