dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
