you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
