toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
