Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
