I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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