the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Never underestimate the power of titties
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
