I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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