I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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