We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
