Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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