Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
