Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
