just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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