I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
