that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
