so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
that is very illegal...i love you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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