When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
