i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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