one word: firstdatebathroomanal
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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