FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
