made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
he just fucked me for my cheese.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
there is glitter all over my balls
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