you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
