You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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